Blogdotes

A newly wed couple just got back home from a honeymoon. At 3 am in the morning she calls her mother:
“Mum, mum! It’s terrible! We had a very bad fight before going to bed! It’s terrible! What should I do now?”
“Don’t worry darling. Relax. Every family has arguments. It’s normal. Calm down and go to sleep. Tomorrow will be a better day.”
“Yeah, maybe… Ok, I’m going to bed…Wait, mum…”
“Yes?”
“What should I do with his body?”

Women’s monthly magazine – “Cosmopolitan”, decided to have a contest for men: “Who knows women best?”. The winner was announced to be a 6 year old boy named Peter. The editorial board got an angry letter from a reader, John Smith, age 60:

“Dear editors,

I am very disappointed with the results of the contest. I have lived a happy and very interesting life. I knew and been in a relationship with dozens of women. How can a boy, age 6, know about women more than me?”

John Smith”

Here’s the answer of the editorial board:

“Dear Mr. Smith,

Having carefully reviewed the results of the contest, we find your complaint completely unfounded. Here’s a sample of questions with the correct answers that you failed to provide:
1. “What is the most representative body for women?” Peter’s answer was “International Women’s Congress”. And what did you answer? You even added a picture.
2. “In what place women have the most curly hair?”. Peter answered– in Africa. Your answer? You even added a picture to it!!!”
3. “What a woman is expecting every month?”. The correct answer was : Women’s monthly – “Cosmopolitan”. And how did you answer the question!? THANK GOD, YOU DID NOT ADD THE PICTURE!!!!

Sincerely,

Editor in Chief

Early morning hours. An angry programmer gets in to the kitchen, to have something to eat. His wife comes in and notices his grumpy mood.
“What’s the problem, darling? The program didn’t work?”
“It worked!”
“Were there many bugs in it?”
“There were no bugs in it! It worked perfectly!”
“So, what is it?”
“I then decided to have a nap, for a few minutes!”
“Was it bad? Did you have a nightmare?”
“It was a perfect nap… on the BACKSPACE!!!!”

A guy comes to a doctor:
“What’s your name?” asks the doctor.
“P-p-p-p-edro P-p-p-p-eres”
“Do you stutter?”
“Nah. My father stuttered. And the clerk who issued the birth certificate, was an idiot”

I was a happy man! I’ve had a girlfriend for one year now and we decided to get married. Parents helped and supported us, our friends encouraged us. And a girlfriend? Well, she was wonderful!
The only thing that bothered me a little – was her younger sister, Lisa. She was 19 and also gorgeous. She was always wearing mini skirts, tight highly revealing T-shirts and blouses. And that’s not all! Whenever she was near me, she used to bend over, revealing all the niceties. I’m pretty sure this was no coincidence. She never did that when someone else was around!
One day Lisa called and invited me to come to her place , to check the wedding invitations. When I got there, she was alone. She told me that she has deep feelings for me. She understands that I will soon be married to her sister, but she can not help it. She said she wants to make love to me! Just this once, before I get married!
I did not know what to say. All the words just evaporated from my head. I just stood there, silently, staring at her without a sound.
She said that it’s ok, I don’t have to say anything. She will now get upstairs, to the bedroom. All I have to do - is to follow her and take her. I was frozen when she was walking up. Then, she turned around, took her panties off and waived invitingly.
I stood there for a few seconds more, turned around and went to the door. I got out of the house and went to my car. My soon-to-be in-laws were standing there with tears in their eyes. “We are so happy that you passed our little test! Now we are sure that our daughter could not pick a better husband. Welcome to the family!”
And the moral of this story? Hmm… It’s this: You will always be better off, if you keep your condoms in the car…