Blogdotes

Driving directions from a wife

Staska — Sat, 11 Mar 2006 20:43:26 +0000

-You IDIOT! BASTARD! MOTHER@$#%@^%$@! We just rode over the cat!
-Ooops….Sorry darling. I’m guilty as hell…I’ll try to do better next time…Please can I drive?

Joke: Geek reproduction

Staska — Fri, 17 Feb 2006 19:07:48 +0000

“Father, how did I come into being”, asks son.

“Well, son, that’s a tricky question…But I guess you will find out sooner or later. So let’s get over with it now… I first talked to your mum in the Chat Room. Then we met in the Internet Café. There we went to Back Office where your mother wanted to Install some Software from my Joystick. But when we started the Installation process, we suddenly noticed that our Firewall was down and it was too late to press Cancel or ESC, because we have disabled the option “Do you want to cancel the installation process” in Admin Panel. Your mum’s Antivirus Software hasn’t been updated in weeks and missed the Blaster worm. Well, the SIP (Software Installation Process) went into the self Reinforcing Loop for the next nine months, when it finally produced some unexpected results…”

Joke: Monster truck

Staska — Tue, 14 Feb 2006 22:25:07 +0000

A guy comes to visit his friend which he hasn’t seen in years. Friend’s little son opens the door.
“Hi. Could you get your dad?”
“No. He was hit by monster truck.”
“Oh! How unfortunate. Could I talk to your mum?”
“No. She was hit by the monster truck!”
“I’m so sorry… Could I then talk to your granddad?”
“No. Hit by the monster truck too..”
“Grandma?”
“Too…”
“What a tragedy. And what are you doing here, alone?”
“Playing with my monster truck. Wanna join….?”

Joke: Men and women

Staska — Mon, 13 Feb 2006 21:23:15 +0000

Ten things men know about women:

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have tits…

Joke: Breeding Rabbits

Staska — Sun, 12 Feb 2006 21:12:09 +0000

Father rabbit teaches his son to breed:
”Look, son, we are small animals and there are a lot dangers around. So when you do it, you have to do it quick. See, here. I’ve got these four lady rabbits lined up. You go and do it fast. OneTwoThreeFour. See?”
“Yes, look dad. One…two…three…four”
“No, no, no! OneTwoThreeFour! Got it?”
“One..two..three..four”
“NO! OneTwoThreeFour!”
“One,two,three,four”
“That’s better. But still too slow. You have to do it like this – OneTwoThreeFour!”
“OneTwoThreeFourFive….Ooops, sorry dad!”

Joke: Jokes

Staska — Sat, 11 Feb 2006 21:07:39 +0000

A company of friends are having a party. But one of them seems not to have a good time. His friends ask what is a problem.
“My wife just tested positive with HIV.”
“C’ mon, guys it was a joke. Why did you all turned so pale all of a sudden?”

Joke: Wrestling techniques

Staska — Fri, 10 Feb 2006 16:38:30 +0000

World Wrestling match starts and there are two wrestlers. One of them is very big and bulky, the other one is lean and fast. The coach of the lean wrestler advices:
“Move fast. Wear him out. And be sure not to get too close, so he can grab you. He’s too strong and if you get in his hands he will twist and mangle you and you will be happy to stay alive!”
The first round starts and the big one catches the lean wrestler in the fist minute and starts his act.
The coach spits, turns around and walks away disgusted, afraid to look at what’s happening in the ring.
Suddenly there’s a huge uproar in the crowd He turns around and sees that the lean wrestler is running victory rounds around the ring and the big one lying on the ground unconscious
“How did you do that?!!! When I last saw you were in the hopeless position”
“Well, coach. Like you warned, it got pretty bad when he got me. But when he was twisting me around, I saw a couple of balls dangling. There was nothing else I could do, so I bit hard into them.”
“And?..”
“You know, coach, I had no idea what a man is capable of when he bits HIMSELF into the balls…”

IT Joke: Annoying questions

Staska — Fri, 10 Feb 2006 16:16:56 +0000

SysAdmin is on trial for murder. The judge asks:
“So, why did you kill this innocent man?”
SysAdmin:
“Well, Your Honor, I was on vacation for a month. And when I got back, I saw that spam filters on server stopped working and the mailbox was full of spam. I spent 36 hours straight, sifting through it and deleting unwanted messages. After that I was walking home and this guy comes to me with a question: “Do you need penis enlargement?…..”

Joke: in-laws

Staska — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 23:00:43 +0000

Mother-in-law asks her son-in-law:

“Son, what was that black thing in the kettle. I had to scrub for two hours to get it off?”

“Oh, nothing ma, it’s just a teflon coating….”

Joke: Poor lovers

Staska — Tue, 07 Feb 2006 13:05:38 +0000

Two girls met after not seeing each other for several years. One of them got married in the meantime. Now they are talking about their life. Married one says:
“You know, I have a great life My husband travels a lot, but I’m not bored. When I’m alone, I invite a guy to my place. He brings champagne, flowers and a lot of presents. We usually have a very nice evening and a lot of fun. And I have this button under my bed. When things start to get serious and we are in bed, I press the button and the doorbell rings. I shout scared – “My husband is back early!” The guy quickly gets out through the window and I keep all the goodies.”
They laughed about it some and left. The other girl thinks : “Hmm.. great idea I should try that.”
Half a year later they meet again. One says:
“You know, I tried to implement your idea at my place.”
“Did it work?”
“Sort of… I installed the button and invited a guy. He came with flowers, presents and champagne. We had a very romantic evening. I had a great time. When things started getting real hot, I pressed the button and exclaimed “My husband’s home early!”. And what do you know, the guy gets paralyzed instantly. He’s lying on my bed for three months now. Yesterday he even said his first four words…
“Wow. And what words did he say?”
“WHERE’S YOUR HUSBAND, BITCH!…”